Episode 40: Coping with Loss – Taking the Bad News with the Good

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Ministries. Welcome to engaging truth, the manifestation of God's word and the lives of people around us. Join us each week. As we explore the impact of his message of spiritual renewal from the lesson of forgiveness forwards in the crucible of divorce, to the message of salvation, learn by an executioner from a condemned killer to the gift of freedom found in the rescue of victims of human trafficking. This is God's truth in action.

Welcome to engaging truth. This is Dave Schultz, your host for this particular program. I have a guest coming in, uh, today who, who has not been with us before, but has a compelling story. And so I'm going to introduce her and her name is Lauren biz. And I won't try and spell that for you, but welcome Lauren.

Thank you, sir.

We ask you to and asked or received some questions from us and, um, that this particular, uh, segment of our broadcast will go over the air, uh, in the end of the end of this next month. Mm-hmm but Lauren, I just want to ask you a first personal, uh, questions. Number one, you met your husband, Chris when you were in school, correct?

Yeah, we were both, um, students at Concord and Austin. Um, and we met there my freshman year. He was two years older than I, so, uh, yeah, that's where our story began.

But you went on from there to become a DCE, correct?

Yes. Um, Chris was in the priest in program. Okay. Um, I was to become a DCE. So, um, when we left Concordia, everyone, both of us had graduated already. Um, I did the DCE stuff for a few years in the Texas area. Um, because we knew going to seminary would be hard for me to find a job there. We put that off for a few years. Um, and then finally decided to go later on.

So the Lord called Chris somewhere into ministry and he went on the seminary and it was there that, um, you were married or before seminary or right after you got there.

We had been married. So yeah, so, so we, we packed up and left and had a three month old.

Okay. With us, Lord has blessed you with two children and their names are

Lily and mark.

And how old are they?

Lily is she just turned nine and mark is seven.

The reason that I really want to talk to you is because I believe that the compelling story that you have needs to be heard by so many people in the listening audience, because it's a story of hurt and, um, heartache, but a story of Thanksgiving and joy as well. Mm-hmm first of all, your first parish or Chris's first parish into ministry was in Gettings, correct?

Yes. That was his first and only .

How, how long were you there?

Um, he served for about four years.

About four years. Yeah. Something happened in that fourth year. That was very heart rendering. You wouldn't explain that.

Sure. Um, yeah, it was about June of last summer. Um, so right about what would've been his four year mark at Emmanuel, um, he just came home from work with a, had headache and, um, rushed him to the hospital. And two days later he had, um, passed away all very sudden unexpected, um, by everyone. So, um, our story completely changed, um, just a little under, over a year ago.

So he had four years, almost four years in ministry with yes, the people of Gettings and probably loved those moments and cherish those moments and had conversation with you about those moments. And mm-hmm, , uh, you've had time to pray about those moments, but the Lord took him from this life early on. How old was Chris? When the Lord took him to heaven,

He had just turned 39.

So he was still a young man with an awful lot in ministry, uh, to, um, to fulfill, um, what is, what was probably a fast point of that ministry with your husband during those first four years?

Um, I would say, you know, and I learned this even, um, years prior when I was the one that was called to a church. Um, so, you know, once we came to a manual, the roles had just been switched and he was the one called and I had seen in both circumstances that even though the church only calls one spouse, God, um, provided a lot of opportunities for the other one to serve, you know, and, and both of us would do Bible studies together or separately for adults or for youth or, or, um, you know, various other things that was, I thought was really neat about ministry of I wanted to serve or Chris wanted to serve while I was at DCE and God provided those opportunities, um, for us to do that, which was really neat together or separately,

The beauty of, of good relationship, um, that has had in ministry as in anything really is a blessing in that ministry in itself. You know, for instance, uh, um, when a wife and a husband walked together very, very, very, um, securely and joyfully, it is noticed by the people, right. But the question is the Lord took your husband very quickly, uh, very unexpectedly. How did the children look at this? Or how did you spend time with the children in the next weeks? And probably still are trying to, um, make sense of this, you know, from the Christian perspective,

Mm-hmm, , um, you know, honestly, I, I think they are at an age where it, it hasn't hit even now being almost a year later and I'm not sure right if or when or how it ever will. Um, so for them at that age, the questions are farther apart than I would have expected, but you know, when they do come up, um, we talk about Chris openly. I'm not going to hide feelings. They walk into the room often seeing me cry and will give me a hug. They know that I hurt or that some days mommy struggles and we work through it and we deal with it. I don't want them to think that they need to hide emotion, um, so that when they do have questions now, or eventually, you know, they, they feel comfortable talking to me, you know, and asking me, um, whatever they have. Um, I just want open conversation with them for when they are ready to do that.

When you look at this thing as a, a tragedy, which really is what it was, mm-hmm, , uh, the Lord has his hand in every detail of our life. And sometimes just sometimes in a gracious way, the Lord lets things happen that really benefit us. And maybe it'll be a long while before you elaborate able to see that. And, um, the real joy of this is with trusting the promise of God. I will never leave you or fore you. Right. Do the children experience what you experience in terms of, of joy now, even though it's been almost a year.

Yeah. , I mean, we've had a lot of, a lot of good moments, um, in the last year, um, with just the three of us or, um, with our extended families and we have a really good community here in getting, um, that has been great for, especially for the kids. Um, this last year, I didn't, I didn't wanna uproot them right away because we needed some stability and they have, um, they have felt that I think with their, with their peers or with, um, their friends, parents, even just being loved on, which has been really a blessing, um, for all three of us, but we've definitely had some, some hard times, but yes, there has been, I think, even more moments of, of joy and fun. Um, as a family,

You know, I, I, I keep picturing the picture of Jesus with that little lamb tucked away in his arm, walking across a, a swollen stream, you know, and, and I keep thinking how beautiful that is because that little lamb is your husband. It's anyone the Lord has taken and he is taking it to where he can care for it. It's best possible way. You know, I think the children really understand that and the special way, because they were raised with Jesus on their lips, they were raised with the message of, of heaven as our final home. And, and, and so the Christian child, like your children, although they have to mature, like every other child, uh, still are affected in a negative way. Are there any things, any patterns that you have seen that you've had to kind of talk with the children about,

Thankfully not really, um, other than just regular seven and nine year old you're right. Issues from what I'm, um, assuming thankfully, um, very early on, we were encouraged and able to find, um, a counselor for all three of us that we met with, um, a number of times in the beginning. And then now whenever we need to, whether it's me by myself or if either of them need to talk to her. Um, and I think that really opened up some doors just to, um, reminding me, okay, they are just gonna live like normal children. But if I notice things that might seem different or causing some problems, we at least have someone that all three of us feel comfortable with to talk to, and kind of walk through with, um, because a lot of that, I may not know how to handle on my own, but thankfully we've, we've really not experienced. Um, um, what I would maybe call a ramification from this yet. Um, other than just basic little questions that I think would come anyway. Um, but yeah,

Lauren, this has put you in a position, I assume, where you have to return back to work. Uh, you have to find a place to be, you have to find a place to serve. Um, have you done that already? Have you, have you sought that place where you can serve and still receive income for your family?

Um, well, thankfully the job that I had been doing here, um, in town worked out again for this year where I okay. Um, can, yeah, I do. I do stuff from home, um, and then also teach part-time and that has been out, you know, a wonderful avenue for me to be around my kids. Um, you know, even at, during their school day. Um, but obviously in the future, our, our plans are changing and God has opened doors for sure that I would've never expected or foreseen. Um, which is really exciting to know that God, I think still wants me in ministry in some way, you know, I wasn't quite sure what that would look like now, having been out of DCE ministry and now not being a pastor's wife anymore. It's wondering, what am I now? And what, what am I capable of even doing? Um, because your identity is, is very different when you lose a family member, especially a spouse. So, um, but God has thankfully opened up those doors and continues to do so.

Lauren, I'm gonna take a minute here just to kind of interject into our particular program who we are and what we do, and then we'll continue on. I've got some, some more things I wanna just probe with you. You got a minute, I'd like to share with you a little bit about Elm and the program engaging truth. We are now recording for BS distribution. We're a small group of Christ centered folks who believe in the power of communication. It has been for many of us on the board or staff, a wonderful, but eye opening experie to know that with the technology available today, programs such as this can be disseminated electronically and be distributed worldwide, almost instantaneously. You know what I don't believe that technology will end with, uh, with what's available today. And so that's why we are pausing at this moment to ask you to prayerfully consider are helping us distribute our program interviews.

I can tell you how to do that. You can go to our website and I'll repeat that. It's E L M houston.org. It's E L M houston.org to donate online. Or you can send your support to E L M PO box 5 68, Cypress, Texas 77, 410. That address again is PO box 5 68, Cypress, Texas 77, 400. Also at our website, Elm houston.org. You can access podcasts of past engaging and truth programs or use the contact tab to ask us a question comment on our programming or submit a prayer request, but please remember to be in prayer with us prayer for the staff who do what they do voluntarily your dollar support sends our program across the world. And thank you for that. Lauren, I wanna go a little bit further on, on something that, that you've experienced in this last year. I won't ask you what you've learned, but what are you learning about things differently than you thought about them before?

Um, I think the thing has kind of come full circle even, um, because this was something I struggled with when we were deciding to go to seminary. Um, you know, it's seminary, you leave your jobs, you leave your home, you don't make money. Um, and you're paying for school. And so I struggled with trusting that God was going to provide for us, especially taking one young child and having a second one while there, and just trusting that we were gonna be provided for. And obviously it was put at peace because abundantly, we were, um, shown that God's provision was there and, and he was watching out for us and taking care of us. And I'm back to that now, especially after losing, you know, the, the big part of our family, um, my encourager and, and the calmer of my anxiety. Um, so at the beginning, yeah, I dealt a lot with questioning what now, because one of the first things I even said to my mom in the hospital was I don't have, have a real job.

What am I gonna do? Um, I was scared because I have two young kids and now to do this all on my own to do a lot of things, I didn't know how to do so fast forward now only what is it? Nine or 10 months later and so much. So God has proven I didn't need to worry and I don't need to worry that things will be hard. I will question and I will struggle, but he's providing for us. He always has. And he always will. There's just this one of those moments that stand out to me more where I question and I don't need to. And that's one thing I've really learned again, that God's got our back. He's not gonna drop us in the tough times. Um, and he wants what's best for his children and he is provided for us in so many different ways, um, that I never really would've dreamed of

What a joy it is for you to be able to say what you said, you know, Lauren, I think there probably are young women like yourself, um, who have just experienced what you experienced, but mm-hmm, in a different way, of course, but mm-hmm would you, would you tell them, would you tell them of what is best that you have learned that you can share with them about tragedy and difficulty?

Um, well, I, I think, uh, and this is very much against my personality, but trying to learn to take life one day at a time. I'm not, I'm not great at that. I, I am an overachiever. I am, um, I stress, I work ahead on things because I get worried, you know? Um, and I can't do that right now because there are so many, especially right after Chris had passed away in dealing with all the paperwork and insurance and all of those little things. I couldn't work ahead because I was drained and things changed every single day. And so I was really learning or trying to learn that I don't need to worry about tomorrow because tomorrow has enough worries of its own right. Um, deal with today and the grace for today. And there will be enough grace for today and enough for tomorrow. So I just need to deal with today. Um, and God's gonna help me through that and God's gonna be here through all of that. And then tomorrow we'll start again. And some days I do okay with that other days, I don't don't, you know, I don't do great. Um, but I'm learning and I think that's one of the biggest things of just breathing and, um, just resting in the fact that God's with me. Okay. And then tomorrow we're gonna do this again.

I just happen to know who your parents are. And I have to say what a great influence they had on your life. Mm-hmm as a mom and dad who let the gospel message show in their lives, in such a way that, um, nothing, nothing, she you'll separate you from them. Tell me a little bit about your folks and, and just how they have meant, um, a joy for you during the difficult moments in the last year.

Mm-hmm , um, it's been great that God brought us back to Texas for Chris' call, because to have to deal with this. Being away from family would be very hard. My parents are like an hour, my in-laws are three hours away and we've seen both of them numerous times. So the kids are still showered upon. Um, but it's been a huge help to, especially for my parents being a little closer to, for them to be able to come and help me with random things. , uh, that I didn't know how to do. And now maybe I can next time do them on my own. Um, but just to have that help and to know that they would give up anything to come and help me. And I, I, you know, I, I've always said that to my parents of why do you do so much for us? Or how do you do that? And my mom, especially, I remember her always saying, , it's just what parents do. Yes. And, and that was, it is that's true. It's what parents do. And all of them have shown us love in so many ways. Um, especially, you know, through this last year,

Well, they'll always be your mom and dad, no matter where you go or what you do, there'll always be, um, a picture in your mind when difficult times come, what would mom and dad do? What would they say? ? And it's, it's a wonderful experience. And I think about that as my children also, I I'm sure they never asked the question of me, dad, what are you thinking? But in the bottom, back of their mind, they're saying, I wonder what dad, mom are thinking about this particular thing. Lauren, tell me a little bit about tomorrow. I don't know about tomorrow. Neither do you, what is, what is in your mind as the plan that, or developing for you and the children?

I would just to be funny, say I'm not worrying about tomorrow. I'm just worrying about today. So I don't know. Um, but to answer your question, um, yes, in the last two months, so much change has happened for a family, um, in an amazing way that would've really freaked me out. Had you told five months ago, but God has really had his hand in it. Um, we are after the school year ends here, we're gonna move back to being closer to family. Um, so the kids are changing school. We're changing house, I'm changing jobs. The only thing that is consistent is the fact that I will still be doing woodworking in my garage, but everything else. Um, and the fact that Jesus loves us, , um, everything else is changing and it's scary. And sometimes we're sad and we cry. But other times we are really excited about what God is doing, um, in our future and knowing that even so we're leaving this house that Chris and I did so much work on together. He's not this, he's not this house.

one, one of the things Laura, that we cannot do is look around the corner. I, I would like to be able to predict what's gonna happen, uh, this coming week, like you would, but we can't do that. And so what, what do you do first, individually and for the children and we're running out of time here, but tell me quickly when you look about the future future, um, what is in your heart that you wanna see happen?

Um, I just wanna see joy and hope for all three of us, because I know that even sometimes when it feels like God's not working and, and time is standing still, he's writing our story and all three of us have a wonderful story to unfold. And I'm, I'm excited about that. So hope and joy for, for us as we move forward.

Well, Lauren, I have to say you have a compelling story and I just think God that you had wonderful parents to plant the seeds that are in you today. I'm glad that you had those four years with Chris, uh, in the parish, in one of the parishes in, in the state of Texas, but I'm happier still. And that is that you still plan for the future. And you know that nothing is impossible with God. We've only got about 30 seconds left, and I'm gonna say a prayer as we conclude Lauren. And I'm gonna say, thank you for being so willing. And so Hardy in your conversation, I pray that someone somewhere has learned or is learning what you are learning as a result of what God has placed in your life. Heavenly father, thank you for this day. Thank you for your loving kindness. Thank you for the love that you've given to each one of us in Jesus Christ and above all things. Keep us faithful to you in Jesus name, I'm men, and I'm in. Thank you and goodnight.

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